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Monday, 24 June 2013

PAINS OF DISABILITY


To laugh at deformity or infirmity is enormity. It’s a great crime indeed. I stumbled on a picture on Facebook. It was that of a deformed baby. There was a comment that the baby has been sent from hell to destroy her family’s wealth, peace and joy. Imagine the wickedness in the hearts of men! Did any child opt for deformity? Did anybody choose that path? Countless people have been put into that way against their will and desire. Why, on earthy, should they be “out-classed”?

PAINS OF DISABILITY
        Disability comes with so much pain and troubles. It threatens to snuff out every ray of hope and light in a man’s life. Many have been buried under such pains, which shall be discussed below, while some few have mastered them well and are presently living excellent lives. I empathize with every disabled person. You have been strong! You have been brave!! You can actually be excellent.

PAINS OF LOSS OF ABILITY
        One major pain that crushes the heart of any disabled person is the reality that he/she has lost certain abilities. Imagine what pains reside in the heart of a carpenter or an engineer who has lost his hands, a painter who has lost his sight, a sportsman who’s now lame, or a youth with mental disability. Some people depend on certain parts of their bodies to achieve self-actualization. They can only be relevant when those parts are used. Some have spent their entire lives training that part of the body. Please, imagine the magnitude of their loss and pains before you start treating them like they are cursed beings.
        I remember those times when I had to cry my eyes out because I felt cheated. I always asked; “why should I be the odd one?” None of my friends stutter. No one was like me or understood what was happening to my fragile frame. I remember those times when questions will be asked in class and I’ll pretend as if I don’t know it. I preferred to be termed “dull” than to speak in class. I didn’t have the ability to speak fluently. My speech was terrible.
It’s even a lot easier for those who once had ability then lost it than for those who never had it all their lives. Some were born without sight. They have no idea what sunrise and sunset means. They have no idea of what colours mean. They will have no chance to see the world’s beauty. They don’t know what a smile or a frown looks like. They only carry blurred ideas about the structures of things. Some were born deaf having no idea what music is all about. They can’t hear themselves neither can they hear others. They have no idea what ‘sound’ is.  Some were born mentally disabled. If the people we term ‘normal’ have difficulty studying and learning, imagine the difficulty a mentally disabled person goes through. Some were born without limbs. That implies that they have never experienced what walking or running feels like. They’ve never enjoyed a jump. They’ve always been carried to place they want or do not want to go.
I remember seeing a youth in a busy part of my country dragging his body on the tarred road as he went about begging for alms. Nobody behaved as if he was there, some were even threatening him to leave their path. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone steps on him. This generation has degenerated so much that people have sold their hearts to wickedness. My heart bled as I watched him from inside a bus. I imagined how I would have coped if it was me. Is this suffering not enough? Why should we cause more pains to these distinct and valuable set of people instead of holding their hands and showing them love and care? It could have been you and not them. Listen carefully; there is no guarantee that you can not become disabled or impaired!!! None of them anticipated that they’ll become disabled or impaired, but today they are, or rather, we are (I inclusive).

PAINS OF MISUNDERSTANDING
        As I grew up, I discovered that one challenge I faced was misunderstanding. I really don’t know how relevant this is to you but I tell you the truth, it was one of the biggest challenges I faced then and I’m still face today. I remembered being accused of pride when I wouldn’t join my peers as they played or when I refused to join in their discussion (because I stutter). To the world, I was proud; to myself, I was covering an impairment. I didn’t want them to laugh at the funny way words come out my mouth, or at the extreme gestures of my hands and feet as I struggle to pronounce words.
        People who are disabled are always prone to staying away from whatever is associated with their area of disability. More so, they are always tempted to hide their disability, if they can. A person suffering from dyslexia (a disorder involving difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters and other symbols) might not join you in a spelling competition. A stammerer may not want to talk to you at times for reasons best known to him. He might not tell you his reason, but he trusts you to know he is loyal to you. He trusts you to believe in his judgment. He trusts you to believe he knows exactly what he’s doing. When you misunderstand the reason for his refusal to join you, you cause more pain and heartache to him.
        I hate people who always demand explanation to all of my actions. I have a difficulty talking so making me explain every of my move brings me much pain. Common, we need people that will help us forget our disabilities, not people that will amplify it!!! I tell you the truth; it is very difficult to live with a disability. Don’t amplify the difficulty. Take every disabled person the way they present themselves. I assure you, they have reasons why they act or have acted that way and I bet you, they may never explain to you why they act or have acted that way. They need your trust. They need you to understand them. Talking about such things increase the pain they feel. It reminds them of their loss.
       
PAINS OF DEPENDENCE
        Depending on others is one thing most humans do not enjoy. Every grown child yearns for freedom to do as he wants. The desire to be independent is innate. It’s natural in us, though; there are people who dread facing life alone and therefore prefer to be dependent all their lives.
        When people become disabled, there is a loss they experience; that is the loss of certain rights, privileges and control over their lives. A disability gnaws at their personality and threatens to shift their center of gravity. It gnaws at their very identity and unsettles whatever they had called a life. They lose privacy to everything except their hearts’ content.
    There is dependence on others for virtually everything. Eating, walking, sleeping, communicating, learning, etc is done with limited ease depending on the nature of the disability. It hurts them to always have to tell you what they want to do just because they can not help themselves. The realization that they can no longer have freedom of actions hurts them real bad. I recall those painful times when I desire a favour from my dad and find it hard to speak. I’ll explain (with difficulty) to my younger brother imploring him to communicate it to my dad. Some times it worked, but at other times, after hearing my plight he will still refuse to go. Many times, I have cried at my loss of freedom to say what I feel is right when I want and how I want to. I still have to depend on people from time to time even as I write this piece.
        I write because I went through hell until I struck a deal with nature and since then, have had reasons to appreciate my loss and make substitutes for what I don’t have. I’m trying to identify with you wherever you are, whatever is your nature of disability; whatever it is, I’m sure we can strike a deal with nature and start smiling while those who see themselves as “able-bodies” begin to doubt their “able-bodied-ness”.



PAINS OF BEING MOCKED
        It is a great crime to laugh at disability or inability. It is a crime to humanity, nature and God. People with disabilities are seen as plagues which must be avoided. Many disabled people have served as object of amusement to a lot of people – heartless and ignorant people. I don’t understand why a human should derive pleasure in something that causes despair in another. Some have lost their hearts, I must confess. Disabled people are subject to all forms of ridicule and in some cases violence. Since they are disadvantaged, others encroach on their right. Watch closely around you, and then you’ll observe that disabled people are more often alone than in the company of others. How can people who didn’t choose to be the way they are be mocked as if they have been cursed for their crimes? To laugh at disability or inability is enormity (Anonymous). I remember a time when I was chosen to represent my class in a debate. It was a war in my heart. I tried as much as I can to escape it. I even told my English Language teacher frankly that I stutter. Instead of replacing me with someone, he encouraged me to try. I did and I really learnt a lot from it. As the debate started, I struggled to say words, (it is not I do not know what to say. In my mind, I was speaking excellently, convincingly and fluently. But somehow, the words were not coming out as fluent as it was in my heart) I saw my best friend having a good laugh. He joined others as they laughed their ribs to a crack. Sincerely, if he hadn’t joined them, I would have been greatly encouraged. But he did, and that really broke my heart. Friends, when you are mocked because of your disability, please, understand that it is not all grown humans that are mentally grown. Just walk away.

PAINS OF REJECTION
         For a long time, I thought my dad didn’t love me because of my speech impairment. For over a decade, I only had official relationship with him - nothing more. When I finally knew I was wrong, it was a great relief. That was when confidence and enthusiasm featured in my life. The thought that I was rejected for what I didn’t bring on myself was so damaging to my self esteem that I had suicidal thought twice before I turned 21. Thank God I was wrong. Many out there are facing rejection every minute of the day. They are humiliated in public and in their privacy. They are out-classed and seen as evil – an epidemic to protect one’s self from. I remember a friend telling me that in some states in Nigeria, the government provide shelter for disabled people in isolated areas. These isolated areas are far out of town where they have no contact with “normal” people. This is not just depressing but an anomaly. It’s a dent on the integrity of whoever did that. Disabled people are treated as if disability is contagious.
        Since there is no forum for disabled people to air their grievances and hurts, they bottle these pains in their hearts hoping that someday, somehow, someone will understand. Why is it that our people seem far away from us while strangers are so close? Why is it that it’s our own people (our friends and family) that cause the greatest hurts? Why is it that those we expect to rally round us and give us hope are the last to accept us? I’ve faced rejection from friends countless of times. I suffered from low self esteem as a child and even today, there are still traces of low self esteem in me.

THOUGHTS OF LIMITATION: OUR GREATEST FOE
          We are often times the products of our thoughts. He that has limited himself in his thought has limited how far he can go. I struggled with low self esteem for a greater part of the short time I’ve spent here on earth. I had the mindset that I was a mistake, a comma where there ought to be a dot, a misfit, whatever derogatory you can think of. I read meaning into every change in behavior of people towards me. Every withdrawal from me reminds me of my impairment. Even when a request is ignored or turned down by anyone, I am reminded of my impairment and I start wishing it wasn’t there. My thought pattern was terribly wrong and it damaged my self esteem. I got to a stage in life and I started thinking right. Now I’m not held down, though, I still stutter. The impairment didn’t go, yet I feel great with my life.
        Our greatest foe is the thought that we are limited just because we lack certain abilities. I changed my thought pattern and my outlook to life changed altogether. I got angry with how I felt about myself, so I decided to make up for my loss by using the abilities I have left to make a name for myself.
        I challenge you today to shove aside your low self esteem. Push aside the feeling that you are disadvantaged. The truth is that whatever you believe, you become. When I thought I was a misfit, I had suicidal thought twice but when I changed that thought pattern, my self esteem grew.


Contact me @ soaringeagle4life@gmail.com or +2348130207064

What madness is this?


What is life? A combination of days, weeks and months or a compilation of different unconnected events? I hate to think of life in those terms. Does life have a fixed outcome or is it subject to variability? Should one live his life as a playback of another person's life? Is the outcome of life predictable or can it be likened to a suspense movie where the next scene cannot be predicted? These and many more I’ll love to ask. If life is something that is meant to be lived just as a train is designed to ply rail and an aircraft is created to ply the atmosphere, then it makes no sense to me. If life is subject to variability, why then do majority of people frown at lives different from what they have termed ‘normal’? Why is everyone expected to achieve the same thing if life is to be lived separately? Why does the society frown at those who do not follow the steps of others who have found success? Is there just one path to success? By the way, whoever has been able to define success? Why should one man’s idea be impressed on thousand others? Why not give each member of the society a chance to discover or plan for him or herself how he/she intends to achieve what he/she thinks is important to him/her? Why build pressure on young people?

It is so evident that most youths today are confused and weary simply because they are living the life of another person. They don’t have a chance to show what they've got just because the society thinks they’ll fail. Who is the society to shape the life of a youngster? What does the society know about life or how to achieve personal success? What does the society know about an individual’s potentials, talents, likes and dislikes? Everybody look alike to ‘society’. Everybody is the same person to ‘society’. That explains why it tends to squeeze everyone into one single huge mould. Why should this madness continue? Who says there are no other ways to achieve one’s dream except by plying the worn out path of men? Whatever happened to creativity? Whatever happened to diversity of thought? Whatever happened to meditation? Everyone is confused and would rather follow the worn out path of men than think about new paths.
I believe in weirdness. I believe in variability. I believe in diversity. I encourage those who think out of the box. I hail those who go out of the normal to do ‘abnormal’ but right things. Why should we live same lives when in reality we are not the same? Why should our lives turn out the same way when our compositions are different? Little wonder why majority of people can’t explain what their life is like while a microscopic few find meaning and satisfaction in life.
I am nursing a thought now and I already expect rejection from ‘society’. I know that a bulk of those who care about me will frown at the idea I am having right now. Tell me, why I should waste 6 years of my life learning what can not carry across my present location? Tell me why you think school offers the only way to success. Tell me why you think whoever is not ‘schooled’ (I didn’t say ‘educated’) cannot find satisfaction in life. Tell me why I should live my life as if my future is subject to an institution, however important the society places such institution. No one has a secret ingredient for success. It lies in everyone and will come forth without struggle if we provide a fitting environment for it. When you give society the opportunity to chart the course of your life using its frail and diseased knowledge of what success is, you open yourself to the possibility of irrelevance and insecurity throughout whatever you will eventually call ‘your life’.
What is this madness I see around me? People deny their gifts and talents all because of fame, wealth and power. Who made wealth life’s priority? Parents crave for social prestige at the expense of their children’s future happiness and satisfaction; therefore they carve their children’s path to suite their devilish desires. Of course, I say devilish because these children grow up to become very incompetent, frustrated and insecure, secretly cursing their parents for the hard life they have been ushered into. Who says a young person cannot find his own way in life? Who says he must be guided until he is 50 (just kidding!)? It is very funny and disheartening to discover the secret hurts of many whom we assume to have found meaning to life. They loathe life so much that they wish they had been allowed to chart their life’s course themselves. A youth left to himself will bring himself to destruction, you would say, but tell me, what have youths guided by ‘society’ and ‘confused parents’ done with their lives in spite of the ‘guidance’ they received? Abeg free me jooorrrrr!!!!!

Contact me @ soaringeagle4life@gmail.com or +2348130207064

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

BE RESPONSIBLE !!!


             It is easy to blame others for every wrong we see or experience. It is so easy to extricate ourselves from the causes of all anomalies existing in our communities. We do not see the relationship neither do we see ourselves in the picture as a contributing factor to whatever the cause is. We are too innocent, too holy, and too pure. Others must be blamed. The government must pay for these errors, we say.

Has it ever crossed your hearts that those people you blame are also seeing themselves the way you see yourself – INNOCENT! They also blame you for the evils in the society and will be so happy if you are punished for allowing these evils to exist and prevail.

Surprised? Don’t be. It is the nature of man to always see others as the problem. It takes a higher level of insight and maturity for a person to see himself as the cause to some, if not all, societal problems. That is when he can start making moves to change things and become really INNOCENT.

Mahatma Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. Be that thing you feel the world ought to be. At least, that will stop someone’s complaints. Work left for somebody never gets done. Nobody is “SOMEBODY”. Take responsibility. Our generation finds it easy to point fingers at the government, at elders, at institutions, at leaders, at industries, at the economy, at the nation, etc. the salient question we have refused to ask ourselves is this… “Are these people perfect?” If it is a fact that they are not perfect, why sit down and whine about their imperfections when you can do something about it? You do not have to be a superstar neither must you have the spotlight on you before you make a change. Take responsibility!

How nice Nigeria will be if every Nigerian starts to do what he has capacity to do instead of waiting for the government. We wait for the government to take our garbage away. We wait for the government to clean up our streets. We wait for the government to clear our gutters and water channels as if it was the government that messed it up in the first place. We keep comparing ourselves with developed nations when we know so well that we are just at the brink of development. Who is the government, if I may ask? A person? No. In my own opinion, the government is abstract. The government has lots on its mind that it can’t remember your street’s filthiness or power instability. What have you done about the situation? What move have you made to mobilize people to fix the wrong instead of complaining while you wait for the government? I don’t know if you are waiting for the president to come with head pan and shovels to clean up your stuffed, blocked water channels. What will it cost you to do that and secure your health, your neighbors’ and most importantly, your family’s?

Before you raise your voice and point accusing fingers at others, sincerely ask yourselves these questions and answer them sincerely too… “What have I done to change the situation?”, “Can I really do nothing about it, as I claim?” The society has lost its focus! Justice miscarries. Priorities are no longer priorities.  Leaders have little time to think about their followers. In a state as this, it will be so pitiful if the abandoned followers refuse to do something about their situation but rather sit and grumble about it.

It’s time to rise and take RESPONSIBILITY. It’s time to chart your own path. I get upset when I hear energetic and healthy people whine about something they can take care of. They say all sort of emotional and motivational words – highlighting the government’s weaknesses and blah blah blah. I wish they were half as good in taking responsibility as much as they are in criticizing the government and other authorities. If you have not contributed to the development of any institution, you have no ground to criticize it. Leave criticism to the stakeholders because you are yet to be one.

ENDPOINT: A large proportion of people in our society have chosen to be irresponsible. Don’t be one of them! Do what you have to do. Don’t wait for anyone. Take responsibility over issues that affect you. Don’t endanger yourself by waiting for an ‘irresponsible’ leader to carry out his responsibility. Do something for yourself. Mike Murdock said “What you hate is a clue to what you are to heal”. If the filthiness around you irritates you, do something about it. If the dilapidated situation of your estate annoys you, fix it…..with your resources. You are doing it for your own good and you are developing your RESPONSIBILITY MUSCLE. Never let an opportunity to make a change pass you by. Never take your eyes away from any anomaly except when and if you can sincerely do nothing about it. Even if you can’t do anything, you can convince someone who can, to do something about it. Have a Problem-Solution Chart. List all problems you see around you: at home, work, school, church, mosque, etc. decide what you will do about them and start right away. It brings so much satisfaction to your life to know that you have relieved someone of pain.

My experience has shown that others want to make changes too but they lack courage. As soon as you step out to change things, they’ll join you and that will make the burden lot easier to bear.

Seek problems, think solutions, build courage and take action.

Take Charge (Be responsible!)

Contact me @ soaringeagle4life@gmail.com or +2348130207064