PAINS OF DISABILITY

To laugh at deformity or infirmity is enormity. It’s a great crime indeed. I stumbled on a picture on Facebook. It was that of a deformed baby. There was a comment that the baby has been sent from hell to destroy her family’s wealth, peace and joy. Imagine the wickedness in the hearts of men! Did any child opt for deformity? Did anybody choose that path? Countless people have been put into that way against their will and desire. Why, on earthy, should they be “out-classed”?

PAINS OF DISABILITY

        Disability comes with so much pain and troubles. It threatens to snuff out every ray of hope and light in a man’s life. Many have been buried under such pains, which shall be discussed below, while some few have mastered them well and are presently living excellent lives. I empathize with every disabled person. You have been strong! You have been brave!! You can actually be excellent.

PAINS OF LOSS OF ABILITY

        One major pain that crushes the heart of any disabled person is the reality that he/she has lost certain abilities. Imagine what pains reside in the heart of a carpenter or an engineer who has lost his hands, a painter who has lost his sight, a sportsman who’s now lame, or a youth with mental disability. Some people depend on certain parts of their bodies to achieve self-actualization. They can only be relevant when those parts are used. Some have spent their entire lives training that part of the body. Please, imagine the magnitude of their loss and pains before you start treating them like they are cursed beings.

        I remember those times when I had to cry my eyes out because I felt cheated. I always asked; “why should I be the odd one?” None of my friends stutter. No one was like me or understood what was happening to my fragile frame. I remember those times when questions will be asked in class and I’ll pretend as if I don’t know it. I preferred to be termed “dull” than to speak in class. I didn’t have the ability to speak fluently. My speech was terrible.

It’s even a lot easier for those who once had ability then lost it than for those who never had it all their lives. Some were born without sight. They have no idea what sunrise and sunset means. They have no idea of what colours mean. They will have no chance to see the world’s beauty. They don’t know what a smile or a frown looks like. They only carry blurred ideas about the structures of things. Some were born deaf having no idea what music is all about. They can’t hear themselves neither can they hear others. They have no idea what ‘sound’ is.  Some were born mentally disabled. If the people we term ‘normal’ have difficulty studying and learning, imagine the difficulty a mentally disabled person goes through. Some were born without limbs. That implies that they have never experienced what walking or running feels like. They’ve never enjoyed a jump. They’ve always been carried to place they want or do not want to go.

I remember seeing a youth in a busy part of my country dragging his body on the tarred road as he went about begging for alms. Nobody behaved as if he was there, some were even threatening him to leave their path. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone steps on him. This generation has degenerated so much that people have sold their hearts to wickedness. My heart bled as I watched him from inside a bus. I imagined how I would have coped if it was me. Is this suffering not enough? Why should we cause more pains to these distinct and valuable set of people instead of holding their hands and showing them love and care? It could have been you and not them. Listen carefully; there is no guarantee that you can not become disabled or impaired!!! None of them anticipated that they’ll become disabled or impaired, but today they are, or rather, we are (I inclusive).

PAINS OF MISUNDERSTANDING

        As I grew up, I discovered that one challenge I faced was misunderstanding. I really don’t know how relevant this is to you but I tell you the truth, it was one of the biggest challenges I faced then and I’m still face today. I remembered being accused of pride when I wouldn’t join my peers as they played or when I refused to join in their discussion (because I stutter). To the world, I was proud; to myself, I was covering an impairment. I didn’t want them to laugh at the funny way words come out my mouth, or at the extreme gestures of my hands and feet as I struggle to pronounce words.

        People who are disabled are always prone to staying away from whatever is associated with their area of disability. More so, they are always tempted to hide their disability, if they can. A person suffering from dyslexia (a disorder involving difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters and other symbols) might not join you in a spelling competition. A stammerer may not want to talk to you at times for reasons best known to him. He might not tell you his reason, but he trusts you to know he is loyal to you. He trusts you to believe in his judgment. He trusts you to believe he knows exactly what he’s doing. When you misunderstand the reason for his refusal to join you, you cause more pain and heartache to him.

        I hate people who always demand explanation to all of my actions. I have a difficulty talking so making me explain every of my move brings me much pain. Common, we need people that will help us forget our disabilities, not people that will amplify it!!! I tell you the truth; it is very difficult to live with a disability. Don’t amplify the difficulty. Take every disabled person the way they present themselves. I assure you, they have reasons why they act or have acted that way and I bet you, they may never explain to you why they act or have acted that way. They need your trust. They need you to understand them. Talking about such things increase the pain they feel. It reminds them of their loss.

       

PAINS OF DEPENDENCE

        Depending on others is one thing most humans do not enjoy. Every grown child yearns for freedom to do as he wants. The desire to be independent is innate. It’s natural in us, though; there are people who dread facing life alone and therefore prefer to be dependent all their lives.

        When people become disabled, there is a loss they experience; that is the loss of certain rights, privileges and control over their lives. A disability gnaws at their personality and threatens to shift their center of gravity. It gnaws at their very identity and unsettles whatever they had called a life. They lose privacy to everything except their hearts’ content.

    There is dependence on others for virtually everything. Eating, walking, sleeping, communicating, learning, etc is done with limited ease depending on the nature of the disability. It hurts them to always have to tell you what they want to do just because they can not help themselves. The realization that they can no longer have freedom of actions hurts them real bad. I recall those painful times when I desire a favour from my dad and find it hard to speak. I’ll explain (with difficulty) to my younger brother imploring him to communicate it to my dad. Some times it worked, but at other times, after hearing my plight he will still refuse to go. Many times, I have cried at my loss of freedom to say what I feel is right when I want and how I want to. I still have to depend on people from time to time even as I write this piece.

        I write because I went through hell until I struck a deal with nature and since then, have had reasons to appreciate my loss and make substitutes for what I don’t have. I’m trying to identify with you wherever you are, whatever is your nature of disability; whatever it is, I’m sure we can strike a deal with nature and start smiling while those who see themselves as “able-bodies” begin to doubt their “able-bodied-ness”.

PAINS OF BEING MOCKED

        It is a great crime to laugh at disability or inability. It is a crime to humanity, nature and God. People with disabilities are seen as plagues which must be avoided. Many disabled people have served as object of amusement to a lot of people – heartless and ignorant people. I don’t understand why a human should derive pleasure in something that causes despair in another. Some have lost their hearts, I must confess. Disabled people are subject to all forms of ridicule and in some cases violence. Since they are disadvantaged, others encroach on their right. Watch closely around you, and then you’ll observe that disabled people are more often alone than in the company of others. How can people who didn’t choose to be the way they are be mocked as if they have been cursed for their crimes? To laugh at disability or inability is enormity (Anonymous). I remember a time when I was chosen to represent my class in a debate. It was a war in my heart. I tried as much as I can to escape it. I even told my English Language teacher frankly that I stutter. Instead of replacing me with someone, he encouraged me to try. I did and I really learnt a lot from it. As the debate started, I struggled to say words, (it is not I do not know what to say. In my mind, I was speaking excellently, convincingly and fluently. But somehow, the words were not coming out as fluent as it was in my heart) I saw my best friend having a good laugh. He joined others as they laughed their ribs to a crack. Sincerely, if he hadn’t joined them, I would have been greatly encouraged. But he did, and that really broke my heart. Friends, when you are mocked because of your disability, please, understand that it is not all grown humans that are mentally grown. Just walk away.

PAINS OF REJECTION

         For a long time, I thought my dad didn’t love me because of my speech impairment. For over a decade, I only had official relationship with him - nothing more. When I finally knew I was wrong, it was a great relief. That was when confidence and enthusiasm featured in my life. The thought that I was rejected for what I didn’t bring on myself was so damaging to my self esteem that I had suicidal thought twice before I turned 21. Thank God I was wrong. Many out there are facing rejection every minute of the day. They are humiliated in public and in their privacy. They are out-classed and seen as evil – an epidemic to protect one’s self from. I remember a friend telling me that in some states in Nigeria, the government provide shelter for disabled people in isolated areas. These isolated areas are far out of town where they have no contact with “normal” people. This is not just depressing but an anomaly. It’s a dent on the integrity of whoever did that. Disabled people are treated as if disability is contagious.

        Since there is no forum for disabled people to air their grievances and hurts, they bottle these pains in their hearts hoping that someday, somehow, someone will understand. Why is it that our people seem far away from us while strangers are so close? Why is it that it’s our own people (our friends and family) that cause the greatest hurts? Why is it that those we expect to rally round us and give us hope are the last to accept us? I’ve faced rejection from friends countless of times. I suffered from low self esteem as a child and even today, there are still traces of low self esteem in me.

THOUGHTS OF LIMITATION: OUR GREATEST FOE

          We are often times the products of our thoughts. He that has limited himself in his thought has limited how far he can go. I struggled with low self esteem for a greater part of the short time I’ve spent here on earth. I had the mindset that I was a mistake, a comma where there ought to be a dot, a misfit, whatever derogatory you can think of. I read meaning into every change in behavior of people towards me. Every withdrawal from me reminds me of my impairment. Even when a request is ignored or turned down by anyone, I am reminded of my impairment and I start wishing it wasn’t there. My thought pattern was terribly wrong and it damaged my self esteem. I got to a stage in life and I started thinking right. Now I’m not held down, though, I still stutter. The impairment didn’t go, yet I feel great with my life.

        Our greatest foe is the thought that we are limited just because we lack certain abilities. I changed my thought pattern and my outlook to life changed altogether. I got angry with how I felt about myself, so I decided to make up for my loss by using the abilities I have left to make a name for myself.

        I challenge you today to shove aside your low self esteem. Push aside the feeling that you are disadvantaged. The truth is that whatever you believe, you become. When I thought I was a misfit, I had suicidal thought twice but when I changed that thought pattern, my self esteem grew.

Contact me @ soaringeagle4life@gmail.com or +2348130207064